“I’m fine thank you and you?”—Meeting your 850 high school students

“Stand up please.” Looking down the aisles of a Thai classroom at the start of class on your first day is a bit daunting. The promised Thai teacher (“who will be in your class to handle any discipline problems”) is not there. The students, all 55 of them, are standing behind their desks wearing their school uniforms and they begin “the chant”.
“GOOD MORNING, TEACHER” and they stare at you expectantly. I’m confused? I’m anxious? I’m nervous? I’m a little freaked out bv how all 55 of you rose at the command of one student and chanted a greeting in English that sounds like it came out of a Speak and Spell?
“I’m excited to be your teacher, class.” They stare at you.
“And I am happy to be here at Suratpittaya School teaching Matteum 1.” Still staring. No one is moving. No one is sitting down.
“…and I am hot because Thailand is very warm……” Pins drop. Crickets begin to chirp.
“Ummm………how are you, class?”
“I’M FINE THANK YOU AND YOU?” they bellow back in unison and keep staring.
“Ummmm….I’m fine?” Staring. Shuffling of feet. “You can sit down.”
“THANK YOU, TEACHER.” Finally…..they sit down.

During our first week teaching in Thailand we’ve become accustomed to “the greeting”. The robotic mantra each Thai student has had drilled into them since they began taking English classes in Kindergarten. We’ve become accustomed to the flag raising ceremony in the morning where The entire school of some 3000 students goes outside and recites a prayer and sings the national anthem as the marching band plays along. We’ve become accustomed to the Thai nicknames of our students. Names like “Mai”, “Jeat”, and “Ta”. But also more American names. I teach three students whose nicknames are “Beer”. We have students named “Poo”, students named “Earth”, and students named “Watermelon”. There are also “Shampoo”, “Pee”, “Rain”, “Ice”, “Oat”, “Honey”, “Cat”, and “Moo”.
“Beer, will you please pair up with Poo while Shampoo and Pee collect the papers?”
This year is going to be awesome.